There's A Battle Raging Inside Nobody's Safe From

Home wasn't really as great as I expected it to be. I should realize that a break that short that late in the semester, combined with my tendency to procrastinate beyond what is emotionally healthy, not to mention the dynamic of my household, wouldn't go that smoothly. As should have been expected, it was a rocky break.

Every time my mother and I are together for an extended time, we get to bickering. We both have obscenely stubborn personalities, and we clash terribly, loudly, and often in front of people. I hate it, but it's hard for me to break the personality treat. We get into a tiff, and I can't tell myself that it isn't worth arguing over. I just keep going until we're both pissed off, and nothing gets better from there.

We also have very different ways of dealing with post-argument time. She dismisses everything quickly, pretending like nothing happened, but I can't do that. To me, these fights keep happening because there is something in our relationship that's sparking them. To allow them to pass and not talk about them afterwards only allows the wound to fester. At this point, it pulsing with infection.

One of my uncles is separated from his wife of, well since before I was born. The family seemed to baby him throughout most of the big feast, which I could tell bothered him. He seems happy, which is a good thing, but she was probably my favorite relative. It made Thanksgiving a lot harder for me to get excited about. I understand that this is how life goes in this age, but I don't know what to think about it.

My family seems to be sinking into falsity. There's constant talk behind backs and very little honest questioning. I can see through it really easily, and I think most people are able to. I'm at the age where I'm trying to construct meaningful, honest, real relationships with the people around me, and all my family, the supposed backbone of my life, is providing me with is an example of why most people hate middle school.

On a positive note, I saw Sage Francis with Against Me! over break. They were both great live, and I got to go with my brother, Tim, which made it all even better. Maybe it's just my ego talking, but it seemed like Sage kept making eye contact with me, which threaded me even deeper into his set.